Badaude

Street Scene - ...Than to Arrive?

Street Scene - Better to Travel..?

Five-Minute Academy - How to Toss a Pancake

Shrove Tuesday used to be the last feast before the fast of Lent. Now it's just an excuse to eat breakfast food all day.

Fig 1: First decided what kind of pancake you want to make. There are two kinds: puffy and flat. Puffy require self-raising flour whereas flat demand plain flour. Flat pancakes are traditional on Shrove Tuesday, but I'm not going to dictate. Nb if your puffy pancake mix fails, it won't work for flat pancakes either so don't even think about it.

Fig 2: put all ingredients in a bowl, mixer, whatever and beat. Persevere until the mix is smooth. This may take some time. Or increasing levels of electrical intervention.

Fig 3: Choose your pan*. Put a small lump of butter into it and heat until the butter begins to froth. If the butter turns black tip the whole thing out and return to the beginning of Fig 3.

Fig 4: Once your pan is at the correct heat, pour the pancake mixture into the pan. Swirl it round until the mix covers the pan's surface. Now (this is the tricky bit) pour the off the mixture back into the jug or whatever. Do not angle too sharply or the goo that has set will peel off the pan and come with it. If this happens return to Fig 3 again. You will probably have to do this several times.

Fig 5: your pancake is beginning to cook. Sadly you can't see the cooked side. If the edges of the pancake are brown, you can probably loosen it and toss. If it sticks it's not cooked enough: leave it for a couple more minutes. If it still sticks it's probably burnt: scrape it into the bin and return to fig 3. Again.

Fig 6: Stand with knees bent. Move body – not just arms – up sharply. Stop suddenly. The pancake should keep moving in line with your swing but should not fly so high it ends up on the floor. If it does, however, return to fig 3. Repeat as necessary...

* discover that 'non-stick' is a misnomer

Street Scene - Leather Sleeves

There are a lot of them about. 

They look quite warm - and also tough in a kind of stain-and-knock-resistant way. Are they?

Five-Minute Academy - How to Kiss

 

It was Valentine’s day, or didn’t you notice? If you didn’t, you’ll probably need this guide (A little late, perhaps, but it was published in Metro yesterday and I'm not allowed to post it here 'til the next day)

 

Fig 1: Pick your target. Check for height compatibility. If your target is significantly taller or shorter than you, it may help to carry either of these two accessories (a or b).

 

Fig 2: Estimate lip size: thin lips will be more difficult to land on, and a greater degree of accuracy will be required. Or botox.

 

Fig 3: A 2003 study estimated that 2/3 of people turn their heads to the right when kissing. Check your direction and be ready to move quickly if it does not correspond with that of your target. Calibrate nose shape and size. If this is going to be a significant problem, consider surgery.

 

Fig 4: Practice lunge movement - fencing classes can be helpful here - until you can do it with your eyes closed (nb: it is impossible to kiss someone with your eyes open which probably something to do with Fig 3).

 

Fig 5: Choose the moment for your first kiss carefully. Not during or the final of Strictly Come Dancing or an important meeting. Also consider your environment. Yes to the Trevi Fountain; no to M&S knitwear department.

 

Fig 6: Last-minute preparation. Exfoliate lips by rubbing with a dry toothbrush; apply lip balm; go!

 

Five-Minute Academy - How to Cure A Hangover

If you are reading this, you probably have one.

(look at that guy in the next seat reading over your shoulder: he knows you have hangover. Either that, or he has one too).

 

 

Fig 1: Phone. Apply to ear to phone into work sick. You can also text to avoid talking. Then you can switch it off and go back to bed. 

Fig 2: Things that don’t really work.

Fig 2a: Lining your stomach: you should have done that the night before.

Fig 2b: Coffee: will dehydrate you further.

Fig 2c: Hair of the dog: will only delay your hangover. If you’re enjoying it too much, you’re a drunk, not a hangover victim.

Fig 3: Pills: good for a headache but will make queasiness worse.

Fig 4: Things that work. Warning: do not attempt to mix all of these together.

Fig 5: A sudden shock: swimming in the sea is pretty good – though probably not in this weather.

Figs  6a, 6b: The only real cures are time or abstinence. You shouldn’t be going to work. Give up and go home now. 

 

 

Street Scene - Reading

Support Writers' Houses!

The hangover after the big man's birthday seems to be waking up to find that the Dickensfest never ends...

Here's his house in Portsmouth I drew for the excellent Guardian Dickens podcast series. 

I enjoyed doing this one: a change from the maps. I especially liked trying to show the outside and the inside of the house at the same time. Not easy...

 

But that leads me to a project I hope you'll support. 

A N Devers writes wittily about writer's houses, why we visit them, and what literary tourism is, for Lapham's Quarterly. While visiting the UK she's undertaking an exhausting tour of 15 houses in 15 days. 

She's asked me to participate by drawing postcards of Dickens' London house and The Brontë's house in Haworth, plus a map showing the houses she visits. If you support the project via Kickstarter, you could receive anything from a personal postcard or a gift-shop souvenir, to a limited-ediiton signed print or a piece of my original artwork. 

The project has only been up for 24 hours and A N already has an impressive number of backers. Pledges start at $10 - go check it out!

Street Scene - Peacock

Anyone else noticing this colour?

Edward Gorey is here

One Day Comic - The Whole Thing

...because it's a bit difficult to look at frame by frame I thought I'd republish last week's 24 hour diary comic in four pages. 

And someone asked me to provide a soundtrack (this will work if you have Spotify).

If you don't have Spotify, the tracks are:

Elliott Smith – Last Call
Elliott Smith – Twilight
Elliott Smith – Alameda
Elliott Smith – Division Day
Elliott Smith – Alphabet Town
Elliott Smith – New Monkey
Elliott Smith – Everybody Cares, Everybody Understands
Elliott Smith – Looking Over My Shoulder
Elliott Smith – Sweet Adeline
Elliott Smith – Whatever (Folk Song In C)
Elliott Smith – Condor Ave
Elliott Smith – Ballad Of Big Nothing
Elliott Smith – Say Yes
Elliott Smith – Miss Misery (Early Version)