Shrove Tuesday used to be the last feast before the fast of Lent. Now it's just an excuse to eat breakfast food all day.

Fig 1: First decided what kind of pancake you want to make. There are two kinds: puffy and flat. Puffy require self-raising flour whereas flat demand plain flour. Flat pancakes are traditional on Shrove Tuesday, but I'm not going to dictate. Nb if your puffy pancake mix fails, it won't work for flat pancakes either so don't even think about it.
Fig 2: put all ingredients in a bowl, mixer, whatever and beat. Persevere until the mix is smooth. This may take some time. Or increasing levels of electrical intervention.
Fig 3: Choose your pan*. Put a small lump of butter into it and heat until the butter begins to froth. If the butter turns black tip the whole thing out and return to the beginning of Fig 3.
Fig 4: Once your pan is at the correct heat, pour the pancake mixture into the pan. Swirl it round until the mix covers the pan's surface. Now (this is the tricky bit) pour the off the mixture back into the jug or whatever. Do not angle too sharply or the goo that has set will peel off the pan and come with it. If this happens return to Fig 3 again. You will probably have to do this several times.
Fig 5: your pancake is beginning to cook. Sadly you can't see the cooked side. If the edges of the pancake are brown, you can probably loosen it and toss. If it sticks it's not cooked enough: leave it for a couple more minutes. If it still sticks it's probably burnt: scrape it into the bin and return to fig 3. Again.
Fig 6: Stand with knees bent. Move body – not just arms – up sharply. Stop suddenly. The pancake should keep moving in line with your swing but should not fly so high it ends up on the floor. If it does, however, return to fig 3. Repeat as necessary...
* discover that 'non-stick' is a misnomer
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